When was the last time you went on a family road trip?  I don’t know about you, but I feel like every family has a road trip cast and they all play a specific part.  There is the speed demon, the passenger seat driver, the “wanna be” next American Idol, the bottomless pit, the nose musician aka “sleeping bear”, porcelain champion aka “I gotta go again”, the road trip game enthusiast, and we cannot forget, last, but certainly not least, the one that holds the world record for saying “are we there yet” 101 times in an eight-hour span.   You either love road trips or you hate them.  Well, I am definitely #TeamRoadTrip because I just love getting on the road with my favorite people and forgetting about everything else. Having said all that, after being in a car with people for what eventually feels like 300 hours, it will make you question whether these “people” or still in fact your “favorite people”.  Now imagine spending 525,600 hours with one person.  Yeah, I know.  Lol.  But that’s how long sixty years of marriage is!  21, 900 days, 525, 600 hours, or over 31 million minutes to be exact.

I am always in awe when the pastor asks a couple to stand up so the congregation can wish them a happy 50^th or 60^th anniversary.  Everyone applauds and celebrates with them because it is quite a blessing and truly an accomplishment.  The average person is curious about their “love story”, how they met, how did they stay committed to another human being for that long, what is their secret.  It makes us look at our own marriages.  If you’re going through a rough patch, it might even make you look at your husband like “Uh. I don’t know if I can keep this up for two more years, let alone sixty! Lol. But if you’re Christian, you are supposed to have longsuffering and bear with one another, right?  When you hear about these couples or maybe you know one, maybe it’s your parents, or mentors, do you ever wonder what terrain they had to get through to be able say we made it 60 or 70 years?  Love stories are warm and fuzzy and makes us feel good.  But just like road trips, marriages can be full of twists and turns, sudden stops, wrong ways, delays, detours, several potholes, and more than one major traffic jam.  A 60-year-old marriage probably doesn’t have the “love story” that we would like to imagine.  The reality is, a “forever” Christian marriage, probably has more detours, potholes, and major traffic jams than we want to willingly accept.

Think about the worst traffic jam you’ve ever been in. I remember mine.  We had about 2 hours left of our 16-hour road trip from visiting family in St. Louis.  Something about seeing that Florida turnpike makes you feel like you made it home.  But when the traffic started to slow down, we had no idea that the worst of it would be coming to a complete stop for nearly 3 hours.  There was stop-and-go for a bit. And it gave us just enough hope to think we would keep moving.  But eventually the traffic was just stop with absolutely NO GO. Kind of like when you’re in a bad season of marriage and you get these little rays of hope that things are getting better, but then they don’t.  But I digress.  Once we realized there was no escaping this parking lot of a jam, people just began getting out of their cars and hanging out on the side of the road talking to each other, tossing balls, etc. We had no idea how long we would have to endure, but every passing hour got more miserable than the last. Sitting on the turnpike from my perspective, all I could see were cars for miles and miles.  I had no visual of a clear path to home sweet home.

Difficult or seemly unbearable seasons in marriage can be like that major traffic jam, miserable with no end in sight. You may have moments of temporary relief thinking the season is over, but then the enemy shoots another fiery dart, then one after another until you are full out in the fire.  It can feel hopeless, especially if you have been dealing with something or praying about something for a long time.  And if it is the same thing….well no way from a human perspective can we ever see it changing.  When things are difficult even if it is one month, it can feel never-ending, but if it has been years, with each passing year, like a passing hour in a traffic jam, you begin to lose hope.  But what if you changed your perspective?  What if you began looking at your marriage from a 60- or 70-year perspective?  Does that change the way you see the current season you are in?  Will it change the way you see future challenges?

I remember telling my kids to think about their circumstances from a perspective of living until they’re 95 or 100 years old.  The problems that are so overwhelming right now, will someday be but a vapor in the wind.  I would say to them, “When you’re 50 or 80 or 95 years old, do you really think you will still be in this specific situation not knowing what you’re going to do with your life?” “Trust me”, I would say to them, “take comfort in knowing that this will not be your problem forever”.  Just like your marriage, this season is not your marriage, it is a part of it.  Think about it this way.  If we change our perspective and choose not to see this season as a standalone, but rather as part of a greater whole (part of 70 years together), the season begins to lose power.  I said lose power, I didn’t say lose pain.  This stuff hurts and it is exhausting.  But instead of saying, I’ve been dealing with this for three years or even 15 or more years, perhaps you say “God-willing, we will be together for 70 years and one day these few years will be but a speck in our life together”.  Like the family road trip, there is something about the excitement of finally arriving at the destination that makes you forget just how much you wanted to gag tie the “wanna be” Next American Idol or leave the sleeping bear on the side of the road.  I would bet a couple celebrating their 60-year wedding anniversary probably have forgotten how many times they contemplated giving up.  But looking back, those seasons likely only accounted for a small percentage of their life together.  The journey may have been long, but definitely worth it and pleasing to God.  I truly believe God honors our commitment to the marriage covenant and our faith to believe HE IS ABLE.  It reminds me of a scripture that my dear friend sent me just this morning – “Don’t be impatient for the Lord to act!  Keep traveling steadily along his pathway and in due season He will honor you with every blessing.” Psalms 37:34.  Praise God because He gives us what we need when we need it!

I want to encourage someone who may be in a grueling season in your marriage.  You’re tired, weary, hurting, experiencing a roller coaster of emotions, and might even feel hopeless wondering not when, but IF it is going to get better.  When you’re in the thick of the fire, it is almost impossible to see anything getting better.  Hopefully remembering that marriage is more about God, than us will help you persevere. But like a major traffic jam, you may not know how long it will take to get there, but there really is a clear path home, even if you can’t see it from where you are sitting.   Just beyond the miles and miles of cars where your vision can not see, emergency services are working hard to clear the road, like God, behind the scenes, is working in your marriage. The bible says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time” Ecclesiastes 3:11.  Trust God with this and every season in your marriage, no matter how long, my friend (I know, waaaaaay easier said than done).  But remember, “for with God nothing shall be impossible” Luke 1:37.

Stay with me, next time I will share some insight on what to do if you are in a major traffic jam in your marriage.  And in the coming weeks, I will share some takeaways from a great book called the “The Empowered Wife” by Laura Doyle.

Like my good friend always says. “All is well”.