I came across a few definitions of surrender on the internet. One said, “cease resistance to……submit to their authority”.  Another said, “Give up or hand over…..”.  My favorite was “abandon oneself entirely to….given in to”.

Last time we talked about acceptance and/or at least acknowledging that sometimes we are simply powerless in our circumstance.  It sounds bleak, I know.  But here is the good news.  Scripture says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12: 9).  If you are a child of God, the only power you need is the power that comes from God which according to the word is perfected by weakness.  I’m not a bible scholar, but this has given me so much hope in my circumstances because when I feel weak, tired, exacerbated by my situation, I would simply say “Thank you Lord for your power”.  I know in my weakness, God’s power rest upon me all the more.  So you don’t need power because God has it!  God is power!  Today we will begin our talk about surrendering “it” completely to God who has the power to fix ANYTHING, even your marriage!

So when is it time to surrender and what does it mean to surrender?  I think we should always be in a mindset of surrender to God, which means relinquishing, handing over, releasing possession of.  But as humans, we tend to try to fix things before we “hand it over” to God.  Imagine trying to fix your own broken bone before you let the surgeon do it.  I don’t even want to think about the damage that would be done.  We agree that it sounds crazy, right?  So why do we try to fix our problems before giving it to God, the actual Creator of the Universe?  He made the whole world, y’all!  Yet somehow, we think we can do  a better job than Him at fixing our mess.  And if you are anything like me, even when you finally give it to God, you get impatient and take it back. Lol.  Then the cycle continues until I get tired and just say “Ok God, you win” (newsflash, He’s already won).  I have a good friend who would say “stop picking it back up!” It’s like taking your car to the mechanic and picking it back up before the repairs are done because you think you can fix it better.  We all know that one person that thinks they can fix anything better than the expert, but usually makes it worse. You might even live with that person and probably have a good (bad) plumbing story that comes to mind. LOL.  Anyway, if you have exhausted all your efforts and tried everything in your own power but nothing seems to change, then that is a clear sign that a good ole-fashioned, open-handed, eyes to heaven surrender is in order.  Some things (most things) are just out of our hands, so we must surrender it all to the only One who can make beauty out of ashes….and that is Christ.

So what exactly is the “it” we are surrendering?  What are we handing over to God? The “it”, first of all, is YOU 😊 , then your circumstance, your problem, your life, your spouse (especially your spouse), your idea that you can fix it, your false sense of control, and all of your attempts at making things right.  This is what I consider an “outward” surrender.  This is different from inward surrendering, which we will talk about next time.

Outward Surrender (actions)– making a decision to give it to God by removing yourself from the situation and asking God to work things out in His way in His time without YOU.

This means you stop trying to fix things, stop trying to talk about it, stop trying to figure it out or devise a plan to resolve things…just stop trying to be God.  You stop “doing” or “saying” anything at all, hold your peace and allow the Lord to fight your battle or work it out without your involvement.  Once you have given it to God, it belongs to Him now (technically it already did, you just didn’t know it).  But if you have released possession of it, it is no longer yours to do anything with.  This also means, you should not do anything about it without consulting with the owner, which is God. When you’re in a place where God wants you to surrender, this means EVERYTHING.  Even the smallest or most innocent thing that you think might be a good idea, may not be.  I’ve been in a season of surrender where I wouldn’t even share a scripture or a devotion without praying about it.  I know you are wondering what is wrong with sharing a scripture. I used to think that too.  Then I noticed that everything I did would make things worse.  Then I understood, when God said, “leave it to me”, He really means leave it to Him and only Him.  So stay out of it!  My efforts to share “good” things with my husband was still ME trying to “help” God do what He said HE would do.  When you must ask God if its ok to even share a scripture, you’re saying to God, “I really am moving out of the way because Your plans, Lord, are better than mine”.  Are you aware that God does not need us to accomplish anything?  If you really want God to fix it or fight your battle, you need to get out of the ring.  When I was in the middle of the battle, the Lord gave me a scripture.  Psalms 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God”.  A simple, yet powerful reminder from God that we do not need to do anything, because of who HE IS.

If you are in a tough season of your marriage or maybe you are desperate for a change in your spouse.  You may have already been waiting years for this change to occur.  You may even be contemplating divorce .And if you have decided divorce is not an option, you may simply be tired of the same ole same ole. If so, I am also guessing you have tried many methods in your own strength to get what you want out of your spouse or your marriage.  Listen very carefully, you will never be able to change your spouse.  After having 101 “we need to talk” moments with no sustained change, I think it is safe to say, You will never be able to “talk” your spouse into changing.  Most of our undesirable characteristics are matters of the heart, so surrender your spouse to the only one who can transform a heart, the great heart surgeon, the Almighty God.  But don’t just surrender your spouse to God, surrender your whole entire marriage, which includes YOU.  You may be shocked to find out what God reveals to you about yourself when you truly give it all to Him.  If you want to honor God and keep your marriage covenant and have forever with your spouse, then stop everything you are doing right now to fix it.  Let God do it!

Next time I will tell you how I discovered there was a lot more to surrendering than staying out of it.  😊

Remember, God loves you.  “We love because he first loved us”. 1 John 4:19.